Diary
by mywayornoway
Summary: Harry gets a diary after the death of Sirius Black.
1. Please Excuse Me Because

**Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters.**

**A/N: This is just an idea we had to help those of you that need help with excuses. You are free to use any of these but you may have to modify some of them. **

**Lists Chapter 1 Please Excuse Me Because...**

"Potter, your late," a very irate potions master exclaimed to the ravine haired boy that had just slunk into the potions classroom three seconds after the bell rang. "Twenty points will be taken a way from Gryffindor for your inability to be on time to my class. Now take your seat before I decide to assign you detention."

"Sorry, sir," the ravine haired boy muttered. "I was detained trying to rescue Professor McGonagall in cat form from a large black mutt."

"Detention tonight to discuss this excuse of yours at seven," the Potions MAster exclaimed as his pale face went even paler as he recognised the excuse that was being given even though it could not possible be true since the mutt had died last spring. "Take your seat."

That night promptly at seven Harry Potter walked into the potions classroom carrying a black book with a strap on it. "What do you want me to do, Professor?" Harry muttered running his hand through his black messy hair.

"Mr. Potter, where did you come up with that excuse you used?" Severus Snape asked rounding his desk to stand in front of his student. "And why out of all of the excuses you could have used did you chose to use the one that was so obviously an untruth."

"Oh, I don't know it just seemed like the one to use at the time," Harry responded. "Besides it was the last one I read."

"I see," the professor murmured running a hand through his silky greasy black hair. "And where did you find this book?"

"Well you see," Harry began. "I got an owl during the summer from Gringotts requesting my presents. When I got there they gave me another key to a vault which was in my godfather's name which had a few things that the Marauders had collected over the years including this diary."

"And you just decided that it would be in your best interest to read this diary," Snape commented with a sneer.

"It was either that or curse it and present it to you," Harry responded looking straight into the Slytherins face. "Which I might add would have pleased both my godfather and dad to no end. Just think it would have been their last gift to you. Something for you to remember them by. That was actually the suggestion that was given in the letter from my godfather that accompanied the diary."

"So knowing that the diary was cursed you decided to read it anyway," Snape stated now so close to Harry that he was practically standing on top of him.

"Actually it is only cursed if I am not the one reading it. Look, here I'll open it for you. Just don't touch it. I haven't found out what the curses are, yet."

Professor Snape looked down at the diary with a look of hesitation on his face waiting for the bloody black book to blow up in his face. The page that Harry had opened up to was a list of excuses that the infamous Marauders had made to get out of being late to class and have incomplete homework assignments. The Potion Master knew that such a list could be very dangerous in the hands of a student but couldn't bring himself to take the book from Harry. He was worried about what exactly would happen to him should he take the book and he didn't want to take one of the few things that Harry had left of his parents. "How about we read through this list, Mr. Potter. As long as you promise not to use any of the excuses on this list in my class I will not take the book a way. Just don't let anyone else see this diary or it will be used to start a fire in my office in front of you."

"I understand."

_**Read and review. Next chapter Excuses Galore. Til next time.**_


	2. Excuses Galore Part

**Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or any of the character.**

**A/N: This is just an idea we had to help those of you that need help with excuses. You are free to use any of these but you may have to modify some of them. **

**Diary**

**Chapter 2: Excuses Galore Part 1**

Harry couldn't believe he was actually agreeing to this but he felt he had no choice. He really wanted someone to go over the diary with, that wasn't the problem. The deal was that it was Snape, the bat of the dungeon, the greasy git, the bane of his existence that he was going over the diary with. Harry would have much rather gone through the diary with Remus, but as his luck would have it the last of the Marauders was out on a mission and Harry didn't know where he was.

With a ready sigh Harry turned to Snape who was now sitting at one of the student tables all thoughts of potions gone from his mind( yeah we know, this is a little strange) motioning for Harry to sit in the seat next to him. This was going to be one of the worst detention he had ever served. It defiantly rated right up there with cleaning the Slytherin bathrooms and missing Quidditch, like Harry would ever let that happen.

Harry resolutely sat down in the seat next to his most hated teacher, no wait his second most hated teacher the toad had taken that place and demoted Snape at the beginning of the year. She was the other reason that Remus could not be here. Man did he hate that witch.

"So, Potter," Snape sneered his smirk firmly in place. "Shall we look at this diary you have found."

"Sir, you really don't have to do this," Harry murmured still looking at the diary and refusing to make eye contact with his professor.

"Nonsense, Potter. This could be very enjoyable. Educational even." With one more resolved sigh Harry stared down at the diary just noticing the page he was on. This was defiantly going to be a long night.

_Diary Entry_

_Ways to get out of being late to class brought to you by the most loveable Marauders Messrs. Moony, Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail_

Harry couldn't help but cringe when he read Wormtails name, the rat had been one of his dad's best friends and he had betrayed him. How the rat had ever gotten into Gryffindor Harry didn't know, he hated traitors and Wormtail was one of the lowest of the low.

_1. My pants accidentally ripped. So I had to go back and get another pair. When I found out all of them were ripped. So I had to run and find a needle and thread. So I sewed up a pair and it looked tacky so I had to do it all over again. When I finally realised I could use magic I fixed it in a blink of an eye and bolted to class after putting on pants._

"I remember the first timeI heard that one," Snape interuppted with a smirk. "Your mutt of a godfather actually had his pants on backwards. What is the next one."

_2. I feel asleep walking in the hall and fell asleep on someone. When I woke up I was hanging upside down and being tickled._

_3. I was busy with my girlfriend in the girls toilet._

_4. I was busy with my girlfriend in the boys toilet._

_5. Moaning Myrtal was hitting on me asking if I wanted to get it on with her._

"I have that problem too," Harry stated blushing at revealing this piece of information to Snape of all people.

"What were you doing in the girls bathroom?" Snape asked dreading the answer even as he asked the question. Hadn't the idiot boy learned to stay out of that particular bathroom after second year.

"Ah nothing sir. Shall we continue." With a sigh of relent from the Slytherin the two continued reading out loud.

_6. I had an accident and had to run back and change._

_7. I had too much to drink last night._

_8. I was up late last night with my girlfriend._

_9. Quidditch practice ran late last night._

_10. I fell off my broom during practice and I had to sneak out of the hospital wing. So it really isn't my fault._

_11. I had to take a younger student to the hospital wing after they fell and injured themselves. It was the worst thing I had ever seen._

_12. I got lost on the third floor and couldn't find my way back in time._

_13. We had to degrease a classmate. We needed the grease for a project we are trying to do._

_14. One of or assignments blew up and we had to clean the whole classroom before we could leave._

_15. We found an innebriated professor in the hallway and we had to insure that they got to their room safely. We didn't want them to get hurt._

_16. I was working on your assignment and I lost track of time._

_17. The headmaster was wondering around the hall a little dazzled and I had to take him to the hospital room._

_18. I walked in on the headmaster and Professor McGonigal and had to wash my eyes out before I could come to class. Don't ask me what I saw it is to horrible to talk about._

_19. I had to take an injured Mrs. Norris to Hagrid. One of the owls was peeking at her._

_20. A younger student got lost and I felt sorry for them because of Peeves so I had to help them. After I helped them I had to help another student that was lost worse then another one._

_21. A group of students were singing and I couldn't resist joining because it was my favourite song. And we had an argument about how the last line went._

_22. I saw a group of Slytherins going somewhere they weren't suppose to so I followed them to make sure they weren't going to cause any trouble._

_23. I ran into my girlfriend so I had a brief snogging session with her._

"Only two teachers believed that one," Snape interjected studying Harry intently. "And that was only because your father had your mum with." Harrry couldn't believe how well this was going. True Professor Snape interrupted him from time to time but only to offer some insight into the excuses, but never with any comments that would be harmful or disrespectful.

"I think we should take a break," Harry said standing up and stretching. "I need to use the bathroom. But before I go we should both put a charm on it so neither of us can read it until both of us are here."

"Deal," Severus agreed ready for a break himself. "Just don't go and get yourself caught out in the corridor."

"Me," Harry replied with an innocent look. "I never get caught."

"And no snogging your girlfriend a long the way," The Potions Master yelled after Harry as he exited the classroom.

Five minutes later Harry returned to the Potions classroom where a plate of sandwiches consisting of various deli meats and cheese some of them grilled and some of them not waited on the desk that they had shared along with a picture of pumpkin juice and a bottle of firewiskey and several bottle of butterbeer. "I thought you might get hungry and thirsty," Snape muttered as Harry took his seat again opening the diary once more.

"Thank you," Harry responded picking up a ham sandwich.

"Did you run into your girlfriend a long the way?" the Potions master asked with a smirk.

"No I didn't," Harry replied with a smile. "Did you?"

"That would have been a little difficult, Harry," Severus muttered ruffeling the boys hair. "As I never ventured into the corridor. I have a private bathroom just through my office."

"Well ladeda," Harry snaped. "No wonder they say you don't have a life besides torturing students, you never leave your office." Harry hised in parseltongue smirking _"Sssssstupid idiot. No wonder you never have a date."_

_"By the way, Harry," _ Severus hissed back in parseltongue. _ "I can ssssspeak and undersssstand parsssseltongue thankssss to a potion I made."_

_"_Lets just get back to the diary," HArry muttered opening the diary again.

_24. I was busy smoking in the boys bathroom._

_25. I was reading a book in the corridor and got stepped on by a studient that sgot sent out of the classroom._

_26. I was trying to open my trunk and it fot stuck so I had to figt with ti until it got undone._

_27. I was about to use the bathroom when I found out that moaning Myrtal was there. Everytime I switched stalls she followed me._

_28. I found a galleon in the hallway. When I tryed to pick it up I couldn't._

_29. Oh, yes. My excuse. You want an excuse , right. My excuse. Now what was it again? Just a minute I will remember. My excuse. Just a minute I'll get it. You don't have to take points a way. What was the question again. Ah, yes an excuse. The excuse is, uh umum hold on it was right there. I think I almost got it. Let me go drop my books off. No need for detention. Can you give me a few seaconds to come up with one. What was the questions again? Um, oh yes, um, an excuse right. You want an excuse. What's that on the desk? (When professors back is turned you run to your desk) _

By the time Harrry had finished reading that excuse he noticed that Severus was rolling on the floor laughing. "That was used atleast four times before they got into trouble," Severus said holding his sides. "When the professors actually caught onto that one the punishment was sever."

_30. I don't have one. And I deserve the deduction of points and the detention from you._

"They never got in trouble for that one," Severus remarked as Harry shut the diary and replaced the locking charms. "They were actually beig honest for once. I think the professors were so suprised that they didn't do anything."

"Can we continue this in the morning?" Harry muttered from behind his hand trying to hide a yawn.

"Sure, Harry."

**Read and Review. More will be on the way. If you use any of these excuses or have any ideas for excuses please tell us. Don't worry we will be posting ones for homework. Please put story on alert so you don't have to keep checking back to see if we have updated.**

**Next Chapter_ "Excuses Galore Part 2"_**

**Until next time.**


	3. Excusses Galore Part 2

**Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or any of the character.**

**A/N: This is just an idea we had to help those of you that need help with excuses. You are free to use any of these but you may have to modify some of them. **

**Diary**

**Chapter 3: Excuses Galore Part 2**

Harry a woke to the sweet aromatic smell of espresso the next morning, wait espresso how could they have espresso in the dorm and why was he sleeping on the couch. "You're finally a wake," Severus remarked walking into the sitting room carrying two cups of frothy espresso with wipped cream with the faint smell of french Vanilla. "How are you feeling, Harry?"

"A live as far as I know for right now," Harry responded wondering exactly what he was doing waking up in the Potion Masters private quarters. "Why am I here? The last I remember I was recharming the diary and getting ready to go back to the Gryffindor Tower."

"Before you got to the door you had a vision and passed out," The Potions Master stated.

"I did?" Harry asked confusion written ask his face. "But why am I here instead of in the hospital wing?"

"I thought you would do better down here," Severus smirked. "Besides if I kept you down here I figured we could get started on the diary faster. Plus the fact that there really is no need for you to go to her after your visions."

"OK," Harry replied evenly. "Aright, lets get started." Harry reached over to the side table and picked up the black book with the stag, wolf, dog and rat running around a lily.

_Diary entry_

_Ways to explain late or missing homework brought to you by the most famous, smart, level headed, handsome and modest Marauders. Mr. Moony, Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail._

"They did seem to have a rather enlarged ego," Harry remarked before he started to read the next list.

_1. My dog/ toad/ cat/ owl ate it._

_2. I forgot to do it._

_3. I sold to to a blind man so he could start a fire._

_4. I brought it to Hogsmead so I could do it. I got it done and a gust of wind blew it out of my hand into the Three Broomsticks where it flew into the fire._

_5. My homework. Um, I did it. And um it turned invisible. And um, I lost it. I was hoping to find it before class but as you can see i never did. So here I am making up this excuse and I was hoping um that you would um actually believe it. So do you believe it._

_6. I was to busy snogging my girlfriend._

_7. I don't have an excuse. I'll do it during class. After all you never said what time it was due. You jut said it was due today._

_8. I was hungry last night after I did my homework. Since I had nothing else to eat I ate it._

_9. I did it last night and hid it in a pair of three week old dirty underwear and someone stool it out of my trunk. Whoever, brave or stupid enough to take it out of my trunk I admire their bravery or stupidity._

"After that whenever any of the professors excepted any of their homework they had to use a cleansing charm," the Slytherin broke in. "It was very amusing watching the four of their embarrassment."

_10. I lost it in the dorm and didn't have time to find it._

_11. I brought it to the Great Hall for breakfast and pumpkin juice got spilled on it._

_12. I accidently wrote a letter on it and sent it._

_13. My pet stool it._

_14. Some Slytherins took it right out of my hands right outside the door._

_15. My girlfriend borrowed it to read it over and I never got it back._

_16. Ler's see. I folded it up and placed it in my robe pocket and put my bottle of ink in there too. And it spilled on it. I really don't think you want to see it._

_17. I was in the bathroom and ran out of toletpaper. So I had to use some parchment. Unfortunately I grabbed my assignment. If you really want it I can go and find it._

_18. I folded it into a muggle airplane and it flew out the window (state first thing that comes to mind)._

_19. I did it with invisibly ink. I honestly didn't relize which ink I was using until I got here._

_20. I used it as a napkin. And it was dripping wet by the time I was done._

_21. One of my peers and I were fighting over it and it ripped. Before I could get all the pieces Mrs. Norris picked some of them up and ran off with it._

_22. I left it under my pillow and t turned into a galleon._

_23. Peter was trying to learn by osmosis. So he put it under his pillow. During the night he drooled all over it._

_24. I fell asleep to early and rose to late._

_25. I was to busy playing Exploding Snap._

_26. Last night was the fullmoon and it was the thirteen and you know it is bad luck to do homework on a fullmoon that lands on the thirteenth of the month._

_27. You asssined it on Friday the thirteenth. Which happened to fall on the fullmoon. And I knew if I did it I would have bad luck._

_28. I started to do it and I almost slipped on icecream and broke my neck._

_29. I got so fustrated last night when I was doing it and threw it out the window._

_30. Crap I turned it into a diffrent class. So which you accept that classes homework instead. ( insert two diffrent classes)_

By the time they were done Harry was rolling on the floor in fits of laughter. "I wonder if the last one was true or not," he muttered between breaths.

"Oh come on," Snape sneered. "They were not that funny. I have heard even you come up with better ones. Atleast the last one was true."

"Good point," Harry conceded. "Lets hear some that you have heard."

"I don't think so," Severus smirked. "Are you hungry? We can have one of the house - elves bring something up."

"Speaking of house- elves," Harry remarked going over the list again. "Why didn't they just go to the kitchens when they were hungry instead of eating their homework."

"You are assuming that they actually did do the homework," Snape muttered after ordering some breakfast from one of the elves. "After we eat we can continue going through the diary if you want or we can talk about what we have read so far."

"Do you remember what my mum thought of some of these excuses?" Harry wondered following the Potions master to the table that was of to the side of the sitting room.

"From what I remember Lily was embarrassed at some of the excuses they came up with," Severus muttered taking a seat across from HArry and looking the Gryffindor in the eye. "Especially the one about snogging."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door before professor Dumbledore hurridly entered calling for Severus. "Have you seen Harry. Apparently he never showed up for bed last night. The last time any of his friends saw him he was leaving to see you for a detention."

"He is right here, Albus," Snape said smiling at HArry. "He had a vission as he was leaving and I thought it best that he stay in my chambers for the night. Seeeing how he passed out after the vission. I was affraid someone might take advantage of his drained state."

"Sorry to have worried everyine," HArry muttered blushing.

**Read and review. Next chapter will deal with those cheating boyfriends/ girlfriends and getting cought. After that we are unsure what to do and would like any suggestions that you can think of. If we do not get any suggestions we fear that we may have to end the story.**


	4. Those That Cheat Need Excuses Too

**Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or any of the character.**

**A/N: This is just an idea we had to help those of you that need help with excuses. You are free to use any of these but you may have to modify some of them. **

**Diary**

**Chapter 4: Those That Cheat Need Excuses Too**

After breakfast was finished and the table had been cleared Harry and Severus again made their way into the sitting room and the diary that laid on the end table by the couch. Each was carrying a cup of tea which they set on the coffee table in front of the couch. Harry hesitated for a moment with a nagging feeling that what he was doing was very wrong. It wasn't that he did not want to share these memories with his professor, instead it was that he felt he was betraying his father's and Sirius memories by sharing them with their enemy.

"What is wrong, Harry?" the potions master asked with concern seeing the drawn look on the teens face and the tears in his eyes.

"I just feel that I am betraying the memory of my father and godfather," Harry muttered looking down at the diary he was stroking. "Maybe this was a bad idea. I mean they would not like the fact that I am sharing this with you. But, I need to share it with someone that I can trust and that can share stories with me about all of them. I would share it with Remus but he only wants to talk about my dad and Sirius. Plus it might be too hard for him right now."

"We can invite him down here if you want," Severus muttered raising to go to the fireplace to floo Remus quarters.

"Only if you would not mind," Harry murmured with a smile.

"I would not have offered of I had minded Severus replied throwing some floo powder into the fireplace and connecting to the DADA professors rooms. Remus had agreed to come back and teach DADA again after the disaster and accident waiting to happen that was known as Delores Umbridge the year before as long as extra precautions were taken at the time of the full moon to ensure the safety of the students in the school.

After Remus agreed to meet in the Potion Master's private rooms Severus returned to the couch and sat next to Harry waiting for the last of the faithful Marauders to join them. "So, Harry, what are we going to read about this time?"

"Here we go," Harry exclaimed looking up from the diary. "The entry starts out a little different but it should be funny at least."

"What can I do for you, Severus?" Remus asked stepping through the floo not yet noticing Harry in the room. "Harry, that isn't what I think it is?" Remus asked finally recognising that Harry was in the room and holding the diary. "Is that the Marauders Diary? Where did you get that?"

"Actually, it is," Harry stated with a blush. "It was in Sirius' vault when I went to Gringott's to go through his stuff. Last night I was reading it with Professor Snape but this morning I thought that dad and Sirius would be upset that I was reading it with him. So he suggested that we invited you to go through it with us."

"Well they did not get a long with Severus in school they would never go against your wishes as long as it was what you wanted," Remus said ruffeling Harry's hair. "And I am honoured that you would want to go through it with me. So where are you in the book?"

"Here," Harry murmured looking at the diary and beginning to read.

_January 1975_

_This morning Sirius was caught with Anna Snape in the dorm by MaryJo. It was the funniest thing watching him stammer for an excuse so we are again sitting in our dorm room trying to come up with excuses. As Remus always says it is better to be prepared then to go into a situation not knowing. He is going to be a great teacher some day._

"You knew that you wanted to be a teacher even back then?" Harry asked looking up at Remus in awe. "I still have no idea what I want to be. I suppose I will be an Aurour because that is what everyone expects me to be."

"Just because everyone believes you should be something does not mean that you should," Remus explained to Harrry. "Infant I believe that you would make a wonderful teacher. You did very well with the DA last year."

"Great Lupin," Snape sneered. "That is all we need. Potter teaching the dunderheads how to get into trouble."

"I do not go looking for trouble it just finds me," Harry muttered going back to the diary.

_How to explain why you have another person at your side. Brought to you by the loveable and faithful Marauders Moony, Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail._

_1. They were really tired and I didn't have the heart to tell them to go to their own bed._

_2. I was just practising for you. You said you didn't like amateurs so I was just practising._

_3. IF you get caught run off. When you get caught claim it was pollyjuice potion._

_4. I'm innocent I tell you she/he came unto me._

_5. I was just practising CPR._

"OH, yes, CPR," Severus interrupted with a smirk. "I remember taking that in Muggle Studies."

"Is that where you got your first kiss?" Harry asked cheekily.

"No," Remus answered. "That was where HE got his first kiss," pointing to the word Wormtail.

"Oh," the Potions Master muttered. "That was were you first found out that he was gay."

_6. Reason why I was cheating on you. Let me see. Oh yes. I wanted someone with more taste in their mouth. I don't want someone with the taste of grilled onions. I still love you. I just don't like that taste._

_7. Well, you see. It was really cold out and their broomstick wouldn't start. It had too much ice build up on it._

"Remember Lily using that one on James that one time?" Remus muttered shooting a smile at Severus.

"He was so upset when he found me there the next morning," Snape replied.

"What?" Harry screamed. "You spent the night with my mom. I could be your son. EEEWWWW. That is just just... ewewewewewew."

"It was nothing like that, Harry," Severus quickly interrupted before Harry worked himself up to a full blown fit. "We had protection."

"Ewewew," Harry kept muttering backing a way from the couch that he had been sharing with the spy. "Honestly you slept with my mom."

"No no no, we slept in different rooms," Severus stated in his calmest voice. "We had protection from James."

"You slept with my dad too," Harry exclaimed covering his ears with his hands. "Don't tell me anymore. I can't handle it."

"No," Severus muttered rising from the couch and pulling Harry's hands a way from his ears. "I had protection _from_ James. Unbreakable locking charms."

"Oh," Harry stated taking a glass of hot chocalate from Remus and taking a large drink before he noticed Severus sneaking some calming drought into it.

_8. It was cold and her/his lips were frozen together so I had to worm them u._

_9. I did it all in the name of research. I wanted to see if everybody felt the same inside._

_10. I love you baby. Come on. Lets go back to my room and I'll(a/n:censored) until the crack of dawn._

"Ew, I can't believe you guys wrote that," Harry wimpered throwing himself into the couch that he had returned to. "I feel dirty just reading it."

"Your dad actually did that," Remus muttered ducking the other adults swinging hand. "WE actually had to put several silencing charms around his bed. Your mom was so tired she didn't get out of bed for two days."

"LALALALALA," Harry started singing again placing his hands on his ears. "Too much info. I am now scarred for life, Moony. LALALALALALA."

"The last words we heard before we put the silencing charms up were," Remus continued with a mischievous smile. "Stop playing around James and stick it in."

"I'm going to be scarred for life," Harry whimpered into his Potion Masters chest. "I'm going to be scarred for life. Please please do a memory charm."

"No, you wanted to read this," Remus smirked. "So we are going to read it."

"You are so cruel," Harry muttered still curled into Snape. "Do something, Sir."

"Come on, Lupin," Severus implored rubbing circles on the distressed teens back. "I do not think that Harry needs to hear all the details."

_11. I'm not really here. You don't really see me. I'm an illisusion. You are drunk. And umm umm and umm your drugged._

_12. It's temparly over. See you for tomorrow's date._

"It worked three different times and after the date they did the last part of number 10." Remus said. "And It worked once for Snape and his cousin."

"It was my sister, wolf," Severus exclaimed. "No it was my cousin."

"I didn't know you had a sister," Harry muttered.

"Yeah and she is quite good in bed too," Remus added with a wistful look in his eyes.

"It is a long and confusing story," Severus muttered. "We were young and we were just experimenting."

"Tell me," Harry said with a smirk fitting of Snape. "We have time. After all this is Saturday and I don't have Quidditch today."

"She was my half sister," Severus remarked with a return smirk. "She was my half sister. We didn't even know we were related until I introduced her to my dad. By that time she was pregnant."

"You slept with your half sister," Harry gasped in shock turning green. "And had a baby with her."

"I told you it was confusing," Snape replied.

"So you lost your virginity to a girl," Harry murmured shaking his head. "I owe Ron twenty galleons."

"What you heard in this room never leaves this room," the potion master threatened. "Or I will scare you for life."

"You'll do what," Remus exclaimed his normal calm hazel eyes quickly turning gold. "You will not hurt my cub."

"No, but he will have nightmares for the rest of his life," Severus stated with a smirk.

"Hate to break this to you," Harry interjected trying to stop a fight before it even got truly started. "But I already have nightmares."

"I have my sister and my memories in that pensieve on my desk," Snape sneered pointing to the next room. "I would have no problem sharing them with you."

"I'll shut up," Harry whispered with his hands in front of his face. "One mad man in my head is enough."

_13. It is Friday the 13th. According to my superstition book it is bad luck to do anything with your girl/boyfriend. We'll continue (a/n:censored) after midnight._

_14. I love you, but not in that way. I just love your lower part and her upper part. She lets me play around more._

_15. I thought you said we needed to see other people._

_16. My parents made me do it._

_17. OK. Lets compare you two. She/ he has a bigger chest. You are better in bed. So I will see you tonight._

_18. The professor says we can't date in public, but we can still do (a/n:censored) all night long with protection._

_19. I'm afraid of getting you pregnant. I have too much respect for you to do that. So I am doing it with her instead._

_20. I do have a reputation to uphold after all. _

_21. The other girls/ boys were getting jealous of you._

_22. He/she told me that they would kill you if I did not shag them. So I actually did it for you. Although I did pretend it was you._

_23. I don't have an excuse. I made a mistake. I still love you and you are the only one for me. Please forgive me._

_24. I blame hormones. _

_25. We feel asleep before the movie was over._

_26. The card game went late and we have to be at work really early. So he/ she just camped out here. Nothing happened really._

_27. Sirius was the one to sleep with her, he must have gone off to get breakfast._

_28. So how were rounds anyway. We simply didn't want you to catch Snape in the hall so we let him stay here._

"Wait a minute," Severus interjected. "I was never in Gyfinndor Tower when I was in school."

"That is what they all said after James and Sirius were done with them," Remus responded smiling at Severus with his eyes twinkling.

"Great now we have two of them to deal with," Harry moaned leaning into the Potions Master's shoulder. "As if Headmaster Dumbeldore wasn't enough now Remus has gotten the deadly eye twinkle disease too."

_29. We feel asleep studying._

_30. This is not what you think. I was set-up I tell you._

A/N: Sorry about the long wait. This will end this little ditty unless we can come up with some more situations. As always feel free to send you opinion.


End file.
